Married and in Recovery

A picture of a beautiful woman comforting a man

Addiction has destroyed so many relationships. Marriages are easily broken apart by lies, dishonesty, cheating and heartaches. If your marriage has suffered because of an addiction problem, you should have the mental and emotional resolve to pull it back together after recovery.

Start Over Again

It isn’t easy to go back to the same marriage you had before your addiction. In fact, couples who stay together to re-build a broken relationship after an addiction problem have accheived an astonishing feat. Most times, relationships are destroyed beyond repair, but some do succeed.

Having said that, it isn’t going to be an easy process. Couples who start over again will require a lot of patience, trust and hard work. You may be tempted to look back on the pre-addiction days, but it is advisable to focus on the future and build on a stronger foundation. After all, the previous relationship was marred by the effects of addiction.

When you view your new relationship as a fresh start, you will be more careful about making the same mistakes that led to the addiction. Ensure you communicate your thoughts with your spouse; the difficulties you are experiencing, your challenges and daily efforts. It will build trust and strengthen your bond.

Seek Counselling

Going through recovery from an addiction is something rarely done without the help of a professional. Likewise, reconciling with a loved one, especially after the trauma from an addiction, is best done with the guidance of a professional counsellor. The experiences you had with addiction and trying to keep your relationship in order are exclusive to you and your spouse.  A good counsellor will therefore help you communicate better to resolve the issues specific to your situation.

Be sure to go for therapy, both as a couple and separately. You and your partner will gain significant insight from separate sessions. This is vital to recovering from any type of trauma, because it will strengthen you as an individual. Only then can you form a stronger union, with each of you supporting the structure of that relationship.

A support group may not be considered professional help, but they are also useful for recovery. Attend meetings with AA, NA or AIA alone or together with your spouse. Even if you don’t say anything in the beginning, just listen. Studies have proven that listening to the experiences of others can help you. Similarly, getting support from people who have gone through the same situation can be comforting.

Write Down your Challenges

Write about your issues, concerns and feelings. Writing is a great way to unburden the mind. Sometimes, there are things you may not feel like telling your spouse yet. Perhaps they may be too painful or counter-productive to the reconciliation. If you are unable to say it right now, write it down. Keep a private journal for your personal progress. You should feel safe to pen down what you feel or experience into this journal.

Work on Yourself

While you work towards reconciliation with your spouse and creating a new happy marriage, don’t neglect yourself. Your health, experiences and happiness matter too. It may be easy to overlook your own happiness when you focus too much on your marriage.

Both you and your spouse should take some time to develop as individuals. Pick up a hobby; it could be gardening or perfecting your woodwork. By becoming the best people you can be, you will have a better opportunity at building a beautiful and successful marriage.

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